one day at a time

The 'Notes' application in my iPod is pretty useful because during my alone moments such as walking around Makati, in the car going to work or home, and window shopping, thoughts start to pop up and I know I have to keep track. July was particularly hard on me, and I sank to the lowest point of my life. You may think I'm exaggerating when I say that at one point, I was ready to lose everything because I didn't know what to do anymore.

Of all the cliches I've heard from people, the only thing that I can attest to is that time is powerful. It allowed me to see things from a different (or better) perspective, to hurt, to understand and eventually heal and forgive. I don't want to set a deadline on things and decisions to be done but I am slowly taking things one day at a time.

For everyone I've hurt, I am truly sorry but this is my way of dealing with things and all I ask is a bit more time and respect. Problems don't go away if you ignore them, and this is my way of coping. I don't want to control my emotions because this is the only time I've really allowed myself to feel. As selfish as I may sound, sana ako naman ngayon. I'm so tired of being positive and strong for others; moreover pretending that everything's okay. Honestly, if you ask me how things are, I don't even know what to answer. One thing's for sure, I am not 100% back to myself. But at least I can sleep without the help of sleeping pills and I started eating again.

This list is what keeps me guided right now. I've crossed out two of the things and this week I am finishing "The Chocolate Lovers Club." The fave drink at Starbucks is quite easy, but the only time I get to visit the coffee shop is through team meetings where my standard order is caramel frap. I also take Wednesday classes in yoga which is more advanced. The Greenbelt chapel has been one of my usual places to drop by during lunch or after work because I know I need to talk to Him now more than ever.

I am worried about the future- what might happen next, and if I can ever go back to the way things were. But for now, I think this list will help me "breathe"- literally and figuratively.